The Expat Triumph’s over the Dark Side

I wrote this post a couple days ago. This bit inspired the Yoda Quotes post that I have now made a page. Honestly, those quotes are universal, and can be used to inspire anyone. Anyway, on with today’s blog…

Over time, I have realized, I become needy at times. I turned into the girl who is looking for expat friends to have those connecting conversations. Expat isolation, strikes again. But like the Empire, I strike back. in time.

Like in Star Wars, it takes time for the plot to unfold.

A sick kind of desire overwhelms me, I am looking for that kind understanding that only an expat can have, no matter where they are from. The force within me weakens and I am vulnerable to the “dark side”.

However, since I am from a small town, I am not in reach of anyone nearby that I can have a conversation with locally. That creates a loneliness that can create a stranger in me. It can be the stimulus for the expat depression I wrote about yesterday.

I have always wanted to be that friendly inviting person that makes others feel comfortable. (I get that from my Mom. “Thanks Mom!”) But with this unusual longing, I have become less of that inviting “Little Miss Sunshine” friendly girl and more of the Eeyore dreary type. The clingy, needy, SWF type person who is looking for friends. Anyone who understands. Not a very attractive side, I admit.

I don’t like this me. She does not often emerge, but when she does, I know I need help. Fortunately, I can help myself. I have developed strategies and employ them regularly.

This neediness is a side effect of the Expat Blues I wrote about and cast away yesterday. As a result, I had a stellar day.

If you see that side of you becoming dominant, it takes a bit of effort, but being positive and determined can make all the difference in the world. Do not be a victim of the Syth lord. Stay strong.

Yesterday started out so glum, and I turned it around with being Thankful. Then, I had some setbacks. I could have let them color my day dark… I stopped myself and decided to put a positive spin on it. That made all the difference in the world.

I am still smiling at the turn in the road I made. Triumph! The Force was strong with me today. And I learn from my victories as well as my mistakes.

Sometimes the dreary days are too much for us or circumstances are not as easy to change. But just remember, time changes things. With enough effort, choosing to be happy, or finding the bright side you will change yourself! You can become a beacon for others to bring them out of the darkness that overtakes them.

In this ongoing struggle, you never know what kind of cool intergalactic friends you will make along the way. Maybe you will meet them in a time of need. Yours or theirs. reach out. Hopefully not too much translation will be needed. 😉

You will be stronger and braver in the long run.  The need to cling to others in that not parasitical way diminishes.  I still want to share my experiences with other expats and have that long talk over coffee, but the dark longing that is accompanied by bitching and complaining is gone.

A healthier psychological outlook has come again. Optimism is back and I am me again. This is an ongoing struggle. But each challenge is as real as each victory we have.  The choices we make shape our lives. Choose to be positive create a bright outlook for yourself and others.

Here are some songs that can help you with a brighter outlook on life:

 

 

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7 thoughts on “The Expat Triumph’s over the Dark Side

  1. My daughter is an expat in Hong Kong and she is slowly finding friends in other expats. I will say too, the feelings you are going through happen as well to those of us who live right where they always were, I just think your situation brings it under the microscope even more . Thank you for sharing! Seems to me with your attitude you are going to come out OK. 😄

  2. I think I should have realised India would become my home when it didn’t even occur to me to reach out to ‘expats’…. I fell into an amazing living situation rich with interesting friends, activities and never even noted the lack. So from my ever so humble opinion it isn’t the ‘expat’ element in the equation that matters but folks who you really connect with! Best wishes with keeping that positive frame of mind. 🙂

    • Thanks so much! I didn’t care so much about having expat friends til I had the munchkin. I want to be able to chat face to face about the bilingual bits and intercultural marriage stuff. And since I am in the “boondocks”, I would love to meet with some expats in the city and find out where they find stuff you can’t find in my small town. I do have absolutely wonderful friends here. One with a little munchkin the same age as mine and in the same preschool class. That is beyond amazing! Thanks so much for the very good advice. I do appreciate you weighing in. I love your blog. I am a tiny bit jealous, I always wanted to live in Asia. Have a wonderful day!:)

      • I can imagine both having a munchkin and being in the ‘boondocks’ has its special challenges!

        I would go crazy in rural Manitoba for more than a short summer vacation visiting extended family. 😉

        I’ve been lucky to largely live in metros with plenty of options and potential connects. 🙂

  3. Expat living is mental gymnasium indeed! Especially if you’re not in the throng of cultural or social activities. Those that can simply join in the flow with the hubbub have an easier go of it; I speak from experience here as I’ve been expat-ing in this scenario too. If you’re going at it in a rural environment (as many ex-pats in Serbia do), your psychological muscles are given an extra workout. In rural Serbia, you don’t have the vibrant momentum of multiple-others to piggyback on. It’s mostly just you. Harder still when it’s just you against the fug of the ‘Dark Side’.
    Am so happy to hear your Yoda-esque self has won the latest battle; never doubted it, based on the amazing pep with which you approach all your sharing. You have many Serbo-expat-Jedi fighting along with you, T! Thank you for boosting us all with your wisdom and strength. Keep on keeping on, as “Always in motion is the future”!

    • You are a great big ball of sunshine and strength wrapped in warm words. Thanks so much for taking the time to write all of that. Comments like yours are like warm hugs on a blog. It is obvious you have had lots of time to learn as I have. I wish I could be your cheerleader on a foggy expat day. As for me, I am doing very well. Thanks to positive thinking, forward momentum, warm comments, and pure determination! Thanks for visiting, Please come back anytime. It is such a pleasure to chat with you. 🙂

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